Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Being a new working mother

Today is my third day at work..

Knowing that I had to leave him behind to a complete stranger, it brought me to tears the first morning..haha..lawak je..I called up my husband while driving to work with teary eyes..LOL. The second day it got better, but still felt a bit sad. That boy have no idea that I was gonna leave him behind, he just smiled, looking all chirpy like any other morning.

I was so worried that I had to jot few things down on a piece of paper for her reference; like what time he should be sleeping, how long, and how to jaga my EBM, how to reach me in the hospital in case she can't get thru my handphone, etc.

The first day, I called the babysitter twice to ask my baby's progress..kalau ikutkan nak je call every 3 to 4 hours but it doesn't look nice pulak kan. First day he only drank about 8 oz je, poor baby, and his nap time is a bit lari, maybe he's adapting to a new place. Luckily his bedtime tak lari sangat and he slept 12 hours straight like he normally does.

The second day I was too busy in NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), so had my mom to drop by and asked how he was doing. Alhamdulliah, dia ok but did not drink much in the morning. However in the afternoon, he drank 10oz straight!!..haha..

The kakak has previously looked after few other babies before and she told me she has experience handling tak de la risau sangat. I gave her 4 bottles of my EBM in a cooler box and reminded her to keep in a fridge. When I came to pick my son after work, I was so surprise to find that all the bottles were still in the cooler box!..OMG..I was so geram but I just hide it and kept cool. My only worry is that what if my son was actually drinking stale milk??!, but so far he is still ok, no AGE or whatsoever, alhamdulillah. I instructed her again how to jaga my EBM.

I was in-charge of clinic the first day, so managed to pump twice, cos the afternoon clinic was a bit free. Brought back 16Oz. The second day I was already posted to NICU..only managed to pump once and brought back only 10oz. My supply is depleting!! :(

Seeing all the sick and cute babies in NICU makes me think of my baby even more. I'm so grateful that he is healthy and bam bam..hehe. One thing for sure, I will never look at them the way I looked at them before. When I look at them now, I feel they are mine..tiny little creatures just like my baby. I want to treat them nice and as best I could.

I can't wait for weekend to come!..I miss the days where I get to bathe my baby in the morning and chat with him the whole's killing me!!..I know maybe baru2 je mcm ni kan, the "I'm-a-new-mommy" syndrome :)

I'm sending him off at 7 in the morning and pick him up around 530pm (that if I get to leave at 5pm sharp). Since his bedtime is at 7pm, I'll make sure we gonna spend quality time together..I direct feed him at least 10 minutes before sending him off, and after work before he goes to bed. I purposely asked the kakak not to bathe him so that my husband will bathe him, daddy-son bonding session..hehe. After he goes to bed, then only I can mandi and all, while my husband gets ready for his Aikido class.

I know it's gonna be the same routine every single day from now onwards. I really hope to manage time wisely..after all, Allah give us 24 hours in a day, and that should be enough time if we are ABLE to manage it well. I pray for the best!!

On the other note, meet my new shoes to work :)

Konon-konon sebab stress nak keja, had to buy new shoes so that rasa lebih bersemangat..haha. Padahal sebab kaki dah besar cause I haven't reached my pre-pregnancy weight yet, I'll give another one or two months and see..

oh..I miss being 50kg!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, September 21, 2012

Last Friday

It has been 76 days since I gave birth to my life has never been happier receiving this bundle of joy. Within these 76 days, I cherish every single day spending time with him..cos in 2 days time I'll be starting work again!!..

Time flies..pejam celik pejam celik dah 3 bulan..I took my maternity leave a week earlier sebab dah tak larat sangat towards the end of pregnancy tu, that's why start balik keja pon lagi awal.

I'm still waiting for my maid to arrive from Indonesia, that would be in another one to two weeks time, so meanwhile we have to send him to a baby sitter. I prefer to send him to this akak rather than sending him off to a nursery cos this akak will only jaga him alone, no other budak-budak. It scares the hell out of me thinking how other people might handle him, will they handle him the way I do? So takut sebab selalu tgk kes-kes dera baby ni..

So within this 76 days I've been observing things. Things that I would miss during daytime when I go to work, like his normal sleeping pattern, learn his cues whenever he feels hungry or sleepy, how many times he poo-poo in a day and how much diapers would he need roughly in a day, how much he is drinking at a time whenever he takes from the bottle and etc. The only time when I get to spend  a full whole day with him again would be on weekends when I don't have oncallor whenever I take leave...dannngggg!!!..I'm gonna miss all this.

- At 2 months and 13 days, Qays starting to learn to turn sideways..that if when he tried hard enough.

- His head control is superb. he can lift up his head and sustained it. He likes to be carried like budak besar instead of carrying him in supine position.

- He can coo and become so becok now. Me and my husband talk to him a a way it stimulates his brain, and now whenever we talk to him, dia akan sambung balik with an excited tone.

- He is still fully breastfed, alhamdulillah 

- His feeding interval has increased...4 hours gap minimum and can go up to 5 hours, but alhamdulillah his weight increased, berat dia 5.6kg now.

- He can fit baju for a 3-6 months old fella..haha

- I still haven't decided on Rotavirus vaccine. The Paediatrician that we are seeing now really pushing me to do so because I'm a doctor, Paeds MO pulak tu. lol..Hmm..when it comes to my boy, I'm a patient's mother..not a doctor. So, I'm guessing we gonna change Paediatrician..haha. It's not because of the side effects that I'm scared of, or the price, or the components of the vaccine (bovine or porcine), but I don't think he needs it now..maybe later. Having said all that, I do recommend parents whose planning to send their children to a nursery to take it..Cos nurseries are usually packed with children of all ages, and so the chances of transmission of the virus from one child to anotheris high...and it commonly happens in children whom are sent to nursery. So, what are your thoughts regarding this vaccine? DO share with me..I would love to hear your opinion regarding this matter.. :)

- He sleeps through the night, with only 1 night feed, and he sleep in his cot..heaven!..I'm enjoying my good night sleep...occasionally we break the rules and co-sleep whenever his mommy or ayah rindu sangat to cuddle him.. :) Selalunya ayah dia la..hehe

- His daytime nap had reduced tremendously to 3 hours in a day..

Hmm..what else..

- I love him more and more everyday!..hehe

Knowing that I'm gonna start work really soon, I hope to spend more quality time with him after I come back to work..I feel so frustrated that my breastfeeding leave wasn't approved..why la Malaysia tak macam dekat UK, maternity leave sampai setahun..I wish!!..dah la masuk-masuk keja terus Ada exam..meaning have to studyyyyyy!!!!..stress..stress...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Just a quote

"Children have never been good at listening to their parents, but they never failed to imitate them"- James Baldwin.

Came across the quote while reading Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina.

I do agree with the quote though. It sounds scary..I wonder if I'm capable of being a good role model for my children.

I have to admit that I'm not that good pon. Sometimes you  I tend to say/use bad words when I didn't really mean it.

Scenario #1
I was in a car and saw someone who drives recklessly until it can put everyone else's life in danger, I went like "Eh..bodohnya orang tu!".

Scenario #2
We read the news about the girl who campak her baby from the 3rd floor, we went like this, "Eeee...gila la pompuan ni"...(seriously...what have gotten into her mind??!!)

Scenario #3
We got late to a very important meeting, and we went like, "oh..shit!..I'm late".

See, dalam tak sedar, I used all the bad words which I didn't mean it..and what if one day I just say in front of my children??!!..

It kinda worries me. Imagine one day your young ones goes "Look mommy...shit.." right in front of your mother-in-law..dannnngggg....hahaha...(ok..this is not funny!)

I really hope it won't slip out of my tongue in front of my children nanti...pray hard!  

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Malaysian Newborn Photographer: Azmir Khalid

Meet another Malaysian Newborn Photographer, Azmir Khalid, which I instantly fell in love with after seeing all his work with newborns...

Super talented me: a MAN, good in handling babies..impressive...impressive...hehe

Cute props...

make do with what is around him...

get the daddy involved...

and capturing the rarest moment of newborn that you could miss in split second

Hmmm...very talented..geram tengok!

Check out his site, he wrote a good article on how to compile your baby's milestone in pictorial form and when it is best to photograph it...

So I guess the second photoshoot for Lil' K will be in another 4 months...LOL

Definitely will go for him for my #2!! :)

Monday, September 17, 2012

Sleep training

There are days when I miss my son, and I realised that my son is just 2 months..and we are treating him like a 2 year old. So there are days when I take him out of his cot, and cuddle him on my bed..wanting him to wake up and first thing that he sees is his mommy.

He is still a baby...he is my baby...I would never be able to hug, cuddle, kiss my 2 months 10 days ever again because he will be 2 months and 11 days tomorrow...

Cherish the moment!!!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Of nails, wax and gossips

So what did I do when Lil' K bottle training was a success?
















Coloured my nail RED!!!..haha..bad momma..LOL

Didn't go there alone, but with these crazy bunch of people..

..and they are all my cousins...

Just found out bout this new place in Bangsar called Apronbay..apparently my cousins prefer the place over Strip for waxing including Brazillian..hehe..

I like the place..private and cozy. The price is quite reasonable classis manicure/pedicure with colour cost only RM33.

After the pampering session, we went to fill our hungry tummy at Bens..

"MEAT" the family :)

Chit chatting..gossiping...making silly jokes..and laughing out loud.

Little Thaqif is the bodyguard of the chubby!

As much as I enjoyed myself, I couldn't stop thinking about my baby..

Is he ok? 
Does he miss me? 
Is he throwing tantrum? 
Did he drink his milk from the bottle?

..hence the frequent phone calls for my husband and my sister who took care of him while my husband went for his Aikido.

I'm sure all of you mommy, will feel what I felt the first time leaving your child la to go work like this..hmm...

It was a short girly outing that we had..I wish there will be more. Being a mom doesn't mean that we can't have fun like how we use to before..(tapi tak boleh lama2 la..hehe)..

Going back to this little boy, makes my life so complete.. the way, is there such thing as 'the best' bottle sterilizer in the market? There's so many brands out there and I was at lost on which to choose. I like the new Avent 4-in-1 sterilizer but it cost RM399. Is it worth buying? Where can I get it cheaper? Or should I pick a cheaper one? Little Bean? Maybe other brands? Help me!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The birth story

After much delay, finally my birth story is ready..hehe

This entry gonna be pretty long as I went thru 31hrs of labour but I will try to shorten it. The time to see my baby come to this world was the longest I had to wait in my life. I delivered when I was 40 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy...1 cm.. so near yet so far..and so the story goes...

5th July 2012
- Had a late shower, and noticed there was a blood stain when I peed
- Confirmed it was a birth show. YAYY!!!...of cos I was excited knowing that I was post date and getting stressed up every minute of the day waiting for D(elivery)-day
- No contraction so far, so no need to go hospital...
- SMSed my husband..we both got pretty excited and laugh!!..main msg2 lagi..usually he is not like this as he will be busy in the clinic

Note: having a birth show without regular contraction doesn't mean that you're in labour..birth show is just a SIGN of early labour

-  Started to have mild irregular squeezes, but still able to do things to get me distracted
- My mom and MIL got to know that I had birth show (thanks to my sister!), they persuaded me to go hospital and tell me how dangerous it is to wait at home etc..etc... (see..that's the reason I refused to tell them)

- Surges became more this time I knew that I'm already in labour
- No leaking and baby moving need not to worry, I can still wait at home
- Makan macam biasa..had KFC :)
- Couldn't sleep throughout the night...excited, nervous, had a mixed feeling..and I was too focusing on the surges

6th July 2012
- Surges became more intense and regular, every once in 5 minutes
- This time around, I knew that I had to go to the hospital
- Woke my hubby and my mom, got myself ready and off we go
- Bawak barang to the hospital mcm nak pindah rumah...haha. Sian my husband..mana tak nya, semua I nak own pillow pon I nak bawak cos I wanna be as comfortable as I can (Thank God I brought it cos the hospital pillow tak best)

My sleepy face

- Arrived at Pantai Medical Centre, Bangsar
- The nurse did VE (hate it!..), I was 4cm dilated...Alhamdulillah
- Still couldn't sleep...

Had to fill up menu form at wee hours..irritating jugak la..hehe

- MIL arrived..she was there from the beginning until my lil' miracle arrived, Thank you mama!
- Ambulating around..sitting on a sofa, roll on my birth ball, and walk around the room and to and fro the toilet..byk kali buang air besar, no need ravin enema :)

- Dr Choong came, revised VE..(surprisingly dia buat lagi comfortable compared to the nurse)
- I was 8cm dilated. ALHAMDULILLAH, that was pretty fast, at least that was my husband and I thought...
- Seeing that I opened up fast, Dr Choong predicted that I would give birth around noon...that was a good thing to hear
- Had food in between...breakfast, Starbucks choc chip frap, dates, air zam2 and air Yassin
- The nurses get the birth pool ready..I couldn't wait to jump in.. :)

- Jumped in the birth pool with my husband *sorry no pictures as my husband didn't allow me to put it up 
- It was so comforting in the water even the surges got very intense
- In between the surges me and husband laugh, he throw up some jokes, we hug, and we kissed..water really helped in controlling the pain
- Tried to doze but tak boleh, surges came very-very frequent
- While we were in the pool, MIL suapkan we all nice. I took light meals in between..tak lalu nak makan berat2..surges came like once in every 2-3minutes

- My mom arrived to give support

Updating all family members..especially my father who work in Labuan

- after 9 hours in the pool, I became famished, and tired, and started to get demotivated
- Dr Choong came, and repeat the VE upon my request
- I was only 9cm dilated..and the station is still high (station referred to the position of the baby's head in relative to your pelvic bone)

Whatttttt????!!!!...9 freaking hours in the pool, and I was only 1 cm progressed...

Macam tak percaya..despite the regular STRONG surges, rasa mcm nak berak during each surges, I was only 9cm...

I cried at this point of is still way to far to see my baby...I feel tak sabar sangat to hug and kiss my baby up to the point that I feel like asking Dr Choong to cut open and bring him out...


- leg cramps, heartburn, started to sets in..DANG..had to ask for Gaviscon

- after discussion with Dr Choong, he came out with 2 plans, one is to wait in the pool, (maybe for another 4 hours which he could not promise anything, he has no issue at all with option no 1, considering that baby's heart rate is fine all the way despite me being tense up) or to get out from the pool, take epidural, and rest for few hours (which is still possible for me to birth vaginally)

Discussed with my husband, he said I needed to rest cos it's still a long way to go :(

I started to cry..

Then I cried...and cried...and cried..

I cried because I felt tired...
I cried because I have gone through this far and finally I succumbed to epidural..
I cried because I felt that I'm weak...
I cried because I'm not strong enough for my baby...
I cried because I have made everybody waited for so mom, MIL, and husband was in the LR with me all the time

I cried even more when Kak Yat came to give me support :(

- The anaesthetist came to do the procedure (he poked me more than 4 times!)..arghh..sakit!
- Told Dr Choong that I refused augmentation and catheter insertion even on epidural

- I was so tired that I fell asleep during the long procedure and woke up by the strong surges
- after the drugs effect sets in, I ate a plate of rice..licin and went to sleep
- My sister came to visit, gave me support an air selusuh, and finally she went back together with my mom. Leaving me with husband and MIL
- unfortunately after awhile I could still feel the pain despite on epidural, ended up not getting enough rest

- Madam Soo Wai Han, my HB sifu, came to help me out. She never lost her faith on me..I was so touched :(
- I was half paralysed, I could not move both of my lower limbs. Regretted taking epidural!
- Wai Han helped to calm me down, helped me to breathe out my baby, whispering some birth affirmation and at the same time husband never left my side

Wai Han did some light massages, lift up my leg, to help reposition the baby and to help baby to descend

- I started to shiver and had a low grade fever
- My waterbag broke was clear liquor. I cried again knowing that I wont get en caul birth :(
- She stayed until 1am, before she left she hypnotised me with her calm and soothing voice. Finally I went into deep sleep, and I couldn't remember anything.

Wai Han whispered something in my ears..and I went into deep sleep. When I woke up, I feel so energezied!

- Finally, I was fully dilated, unfortunately baby head was still high up

7th July 2012
- Baby's heart rate suddenly went up
- Dr Choong came in and he explained that intervention needed to set, too risky
- I succumbed
- As much as I wanted a gentle birth for the baby, I took everything in a positive side and kept praying to Allah..

- After almost an hour of pushing, there was still no sign that baby will come out :(
- Nurses said my technique was good, my energy still strong, somehow the head didn't descend
- Dr Choong finally decided for a vacuum delivery..Pasrah je la..dengan syarat, no episiotomy. He agreed.

- miracle is out.

He looked calm and active, I immediately asked him why he didn't want to come out to see me!!!..hehe

Looking back at how my birth journey went, it was never actually what I wanted. What I wished for, What I've planned... All was not how I envisioned it. However, I took it with an open mind as I always keep at the back of my mind, reminding myself over and over again during pregnancy, that anything can go wrong.

Alhamdulillah that I was 'safe' from getting myself into caesarean, alhamdulillah that my baby is healthy and perfect physically (and heavy 3.6kg!). What matters is he immediately latch on was a major reason why epidural was never my option as I scared that complication may arise and breastfeeding would be delay.

We had immediate skin-to-skin contact..few minutes after, he began to search for my nipple..he did it himself!! Alhamdulillah

ABOVE ALL.. Alhamdulillah that I've chosen the right Obstetrician, Dr Choong, who always believe in natural and gentle birthing, and understands why I chose and make the decisions that I have made throughout the labour process.

If it wasn't because the knowledge that I have gained through hypnobirthing course, if it wasn't because of Dr Choong, or I chose some other ObGyn who is not pro-natural birthing and "scalpel"-happy...hehe.. I believe I would ended up having caesarean.