Saturday, January 15, 2011

Plan B

I didn't get through the entrance exam. It was heartbreaking, hence it explained why I did not update my blog since then..

I wouldn't say that the exam was a tough one, but blame it on me for not concentrating on studies. It's not that I don't revise, but now days I just find it difficult to focus...I mean, the motivation is not there compared to undergrad years. Sometimes I do feel that I'm in a comfort zone, whereas last time I was still striving to get that MD, I wouldn't want to screw up..but now, I knew that I have a job, a good pay (but I need more!!!), a comfortable working environment, a perfect life..and now a married woman to a perfect husband!..

Even so, deep down, I know there is something that is still not complete. I don't want to be a 'chronic' medical officer, as they say. I want to go as furthest as possible to the highest echelon of my career.. As of now, I'm so happy and comfortable with my life, that I just want to enjoy every seconds of it and fill it with things that make me happy and stress-free. But there's still bit of me, feeling guilty of letting the time goes wasted.

I feel like crying the moment I knew that I failed, but the tears was held back until I saw my husband's face. Yes, it was heartbreaking having to know that I have disappointed the man that I love. The man that never stopped giving me courage and have a lot of faith in me. The man that always sees the capabilities in me when I never realize it for the past 27 years of my life...The man that taught me to say my thoughts out... The man that made me appreciate that little little things in life.

I can see that his face wasn't convince when I told him that I didn't make it. Knowing me, he thought I was trying to make a joke and his face was all ready expecting me to say, " Gotcha!! I got it laaahhh!!..Haha..". Until when he finally knew that it was not gonna happen. I can't even smile, and not in the mood to do anything, and even if he offers to buy me an LV bag there and then, I won't 'buy' that...( ke??!..haha)

Feeling pity, husband did his best to cheer me up..and he knows his wife best :)

I feel envy (in a good way, my dear) to those people who is so motivated to further study right after their degree. Hana Fedora, got her PhD at a very young age, Ajjah for doing her second degree, my BIL who is now doing his master apart of being a father of 4, and many more not to mention here. Seeing people who has achieved, makes me think that I CAN DO IT! too...

Anything that doesn't kill me, will make me stronger...I will bounce back better than ever!!!

What's done is done, and it's time to move on. As stated in my new year's resolution, if I didn't make it into the master program, I will proceed to register for MRCPCH part 1 exams. That's what I'm planning to do now...*deep breath in*

So, Plan B it is.


ajjah said...

I'm with you T..!! *hugs*

The Spasmodic Scribbler said...

Hello Tahirah,

I'm sure everything happens for a reason. God is just and He knows best. If not now, He'll probably give you something better in the future, who knows? Failure is always hard to accept but you'll never learn life without failure. So chin up and and move forward okay? :))


daisy said...


Allah has a better offer for you in store.Chin up. *hugs*

Izrin said...

babe.. i am in the same boat i gues.. but mine is worst, i have attempted the paper sp many times, until i have exhausted the number of attempts i can take. :( now i am nowhere... i'm just gonna focus on my wedding, after marriage br do my plan B.

but ur hubby sweet laa. giler best.. sedih je dpt pressent, camtu, hari-hari i nak sedih.. hahah"p

saltvinegar said...

You're gonna succeed sooner or later. i just know it!

♥ balkidz_hunny ♥ said...

rindu nak blogwalking :)
singgah jenguk puan dokter!

Azwa said...

hi tahirah.. don't be sad for not passing the entrance exam.. maybe belum ada rezeki.. but do try again k..

ashieBee said...

aawwwww *hugs* itsokay! Allah knows whats best for u :)) and hey, i sooo agree with u. mcm dah "malas"! im in the same position as u; rase mcm not really into studying anymore. we've got the job, employed! *haih* terlalu cpt selesa.... this is baddddd!!!!! >__<

Aida Narina said...

Tahirah! Cheer up girl. I'm sure you have plenty of plans in your hands. I believe that learning is crucial as i see it as a food for the brain. And I'm sure you must have thought abt it too :) Reminded by my chancellor's speech during my graduation last July to keep on learning in order to catch up with the world. So let's! :)

ElyaElmo said...

bestt nyee ade semangat nak study lagi..
elya dah takde....huhu:(

Shahirah Elaiza said...

Rezeki semua di tangan Allah s.w.t.

InshaAllah, you will be more successful in life than you have ever dreamed as a reward for your patience.

You never know what might come up in the future! =)

bride2wife said...


I always hope for the better..i have soo much faith in HIM...
thanks farah :)

i'm soo proud of you ecah, good luck for your part 2. My husband applying for MMed in should come back and apply for it too :)

I soo feel you Izrin.its not just you're mentally exhausted, but your money also runs down. One paper is not cheap..
Tak pe..kahwin dulu :)

Awww...your words meant a lot for me! :)

hello..hello...mommy and baby sihat? ;)

Thanks babe..definitely will try again next year :)

that is soo true...but after awhile you'll realize that you want more cos of so many commitment coming up

Food for brain?betul..betul. thats why susah sgt I nak study after so long tinggalkan buku...otak dah beku!hehe..

In my case, kena adakan juga ;)

Im hoping for something BIG in future! thanks Sha :)